


Leaving You

by ForeverAndAlways



Series: Goodbye Internet [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: I'm Sorry, M/M, im crying, seriously i didnt mean for it to get this depressing, sorry - Freeform, this is kind of an emotional rollercoaster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-30 15:38:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3942199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForeverAndAlways/pseuds/ForeverAndAlways
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan is suffering from cancer. Narrated by Phil in first person. I can't really say much else but its really sad so sorry. (Possible depression trigger)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leaving You

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry. Inspired by Cancer and Disenchanted by My Chemical Romance.

I felt him shivering before I heard the faint whimpering. Tonight was just going to be one of those nights. The chemo was taking a lot more from him recently.

He'd been sick off and on. Most of the time lately,he was unable to get out of bed. It was nights like these that made it hardest to consider life without Dan. What would I do when I had no one to bring pancakes in the morning?

What would I do when there was no one to share anime with in the morning?

Over these past few weeks I've fallen in love all over again. He makes it hard not to. With his eyes reflecting galaxies even though they were dull. With him fighting even though he seemed to think there was nothing to fight for.

He was only getting worse, and it seemed there was noting I could do. I was trying my best to make him comfortable. Holding him whenever I got the chance, saying I love you excessively, just doing anything.

 

The doctors said he only had three months at most. They also said that was just an estimate and that he could leave me at any moment. I had to make every moment last.

I held Dan closer to me, trying to make out the sound of his breath. He always scared me at night. So quiet and still. Everyone seems to look like a corpse when they're sleeping, but its a lot scarier when there's a possibility of him never waking up.

"I love you." I heard him whisper.

"I love you." I whispered back knowing that those words alone would give more comfort than anything.

"I don't feel good" he whimpered.

"Shhh," I held him even tighter "it'll be alright"

...  
The next night had been my last with Dan. The events of the night before had been repeated with a twisted ending.

I don't know how I could tell anyone.I was still in shock. He barely got out an 'I love you' before he stopped breathing. The hardest part was calling a coroner.

Our last few months together had been the best. We were trying to make the best of everything. We were also trying to do all the things Dan had wanted to do before he died.

I decided it might be easiest to go to a camera for refuge before talking to someone.  
Video:  
[GOODBYE INTERNET]  
" _Hello internet..." I started._  
_Cancer by My Chemical Romance was playing softly in the background._

_"So I know that no one knew this but Dan was really sick" I choked out a sob "last night he died." I swallowed. This wasn't going to be easy._

_"He loved you all so much. Also #phan was real," I laughed before I started to cry._

_"Um he wanted me to share this video that he made for you all."_

_..._  
_"Hello internet" he laughed. In this video he was the Dan that I had grown used to in the past few months. Shaved head, dull eyes and so so skinny._  
_Instead of the vlog music he normally used. Dan had Starlight by Muse playing._  
_"I bet you're all wondering about why I look like this." He laughed like he was trying to lighten the mood "Hopefully if you're seeing this than Phil explained what happened. Incase he didn't then I will."_

_"So" he stopped and looked down for a moment. He edited this exactly how he wanted it. I didn't change a thing from his final copy. "I have cancer. Or had, I guess. If you're seeing this then I'm either dead or this somehow leaked." He bit his lip._

_"It hasn't been easy for me but I've been getting through it with Phil by my side."_  
_#phan showed up in comic sans._

_"I want you all to know that I love all of you and these have been some of the best years of my life." He laughed._

_"I never wanted to say this but...Goodbye Internet" he reached up from where he was sitting and turned the camera off. The video ended with a clip show from the last few months, of him being happy._

 

I just hoped that he was happy.

Wherever he was.

....  
Days later when Dan's aunt and I were going through his things, we found a series of letters titled " _When I'm Gone"_

I opened the envelope on top.

_Dear Phil,_  
_When I'm gone, I need you to take care of planty and any other plants you may acquire. You really do need to water them._

_Love, Dan._

I went through more and more, each of them reminding me of how much he loved me. Each reminding me how I never truly lived until he was there.

 

I only truly lived while he was here. And now I am dead.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to scream at me or whatever but I got inspired when I was listening to disenchanted. That line that goes "if I'm so wrong how could you listen all night long. Now will it matter long after I'm gone because you never learned a goddamn thing" it was going to be happier but then again I've been writing a lot of depressing things I haven't published yet. Sorry. Comment please. Please leave kudos too. Sorry


End file.
